I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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