I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Can I color on your dick again?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
