Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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