that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
