you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
