I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
