Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
