32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
