So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
