Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
