you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
