I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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