Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
