Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
