I will die if light touches me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
