Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
