And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
