I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
