having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
