16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
im calling her cock vulture from now on
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
