I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
