I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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