My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
