17 year olds will be the death of me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
