would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize