Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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