I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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