maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
