Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
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