he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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