the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
