its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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