Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
