I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
