So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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