Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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