just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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