Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
