She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
