Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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