I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
