we're blogging at a bar
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
