Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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