The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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