You work out of a Hotel?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
