Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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