And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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