The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
