I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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