he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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