she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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