DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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