I need help removing her.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
