yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
