Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
