I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
FUCK WHALES
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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