Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
