PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize