I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
