please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
