I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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