The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
