hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
