mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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