Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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