His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
