hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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