I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
