yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
