I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
